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Call in Help If Needed
If you decide to hire a contractor, or any professional assistance, credentials and references are important but so is personality. For example, if a contractor comes highly recommended but treats women as if they don't know a hammer from a screwdriver, keep looking. Animosity in the contractor relationship will spill over into the marriage. "Hire people with integrity and hire people you like because you're going to be with them for a long time," says Albert.
In many ways, hiring a contractor is like bringing a third person into your marriage. Treat this relationship with care. Figure out who will be in charge of day-to-day communication. Also, talk about what decisions can be made unilaterally, and which ones should be made together. "When making changes to the initial budget or to the initial plans, it's a really good idea to have both members of the marriage sitting down with the contractor and discussing why this is the case," says Laura Meyer, author of Remodel This: A Woman's Guide to Planning and Surviving the Madness of a Home Renovation. "That minimizes the risk that blame will be thrown around when the bills come rolling in."
Talk Money
"Remodeling from a monetary standpoint is almost like a snapshot of the entire marriage," says Meyer. "If tempers flared before over the woman's shopping habits or how much he tends to spend on cars, the couple will likely have differences on how much to spend on the remodel as well." Consider discussing this issue with the assistance of a third party, such as your accountant, who can give you an honest assessment of how much you can afford to spend.
Discuss Décor
Beyond tapestries and paint colors, couples should talk about how they want their homes to feel—serene, sophisticated, warm, romantic—and then base their design choices off these values, says Albert. Talk also not just about how these rooms will look, but how they'll be used. Albert had a client whose house was always filled with her children's raucous activity. She wanted a room that would be off-limits to the kids, and so suggested a serene and calm décor for the living room. Her spouse, however, saw the living room as entertainment central—despite the cozy feel of the room. This caused friction. But Albert eventually got them both to realize that they both craved a quiet place in the house, and they found a way to incorporate that space into the final design.
Disagreements over paint colors and wall art are inevitable. In some cases, divvying up design decisions is the best way to go. Maybe you have fallen in love with an idea for the bedroom, and your partner is dreaming about a home theater in the family room. Give each other the autonomy to create individualized spaces.
Compromise can be a solution, Meyer says, but don't overdo it. "I have seen couples that ended up not liking anything because everything was a compromise," she says.
Expect the Unexpected
A contractor's initial estimate—and the one you and your partner came up before the project stated—is based on everything going completely according to plan. The thing is, everything rarely goes according to plan. So prepare for the "oh no's," Meyer says, financially, mentally and time-wise. "The budget starts spiraling out of control, and that puts a lot of stress on each party in the marriage," Meyer says.
Try to stay optimistic and upbeat. But when frustration hits, it's better to head for the ice cream in the freezer than give in to your urge to point fingers at your spouse. And just remember that eventually, it will all be finished and you'll have the space you've always dreamed of.
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Text by Cynthia Ramnarace
© 2007 BobVila.com
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