You have a lot going on here. Yes, you should have laid a filter fabric or landscape fabric down first before you laid your gravel and piping and covering-gravel. Not having done that will allows the dirt to 'pollute' your gravel and eventually, it may lead to clogging in your piping. Once you see dirt or silt coming out your drain tile, you know that's what's happening. You may be able to slow down the process if you were to lay some 30 lb felt on TOP of whatever you have now. This will channel away most of the water that runs down vertically towards the tile. Water may still migrate horizontally but, the further out away from the wall you lay the felt, the better your chances are the dirt will stay 'dry' under the felt. Of course, laying down the felt almost defeats the purpose of the tile (but not really.) In short, lay down an 'umbrella' of felt as large as reasonably possible over the drain tile. I'd lay it down at LEAST 12" from the surface. (The deeper, the better because it's that much closer to the house.) And run the felt right up against the foundation too.
I'd stick with crushed stone. NO SAND! It will clog your tile. You should stick with 3/4" as a benchmark. A litle smaller or larger is OK. RE: The deck situation - I can't understand what you're saying. Perhaps I answered that one indirectly up above ...
My best to ya and hope this helps.
Jay J -Moderator
PS: GOd Bless America!